


Silence

by ih3artgerm



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:20:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29457390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ih3artgerm/pseuds/ih3artgerm
Summary: Every night you listen to Annie’s sobs and every morning you try to make sure she smiles at least once a day.
Relationships: Annie Leonhart/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tsukidrama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukidrama/gifts).



> I wrote this fic as a birthday present for my amazing wife. She’s the light of my life and I’m so lucky I get to wake up next to her everyday! Happy birthday boo @tsukidrama and I’ll make sure you have an amazing day today, starting out with this present! I love you so much <3

The cold winter wind rushes through your window, moonlight barely illuminating the darkest parts of the nearly empty room. Another lonely night spent in your new room, no assigned roommate yet.

Your body trembles once the chill makes itself comfortable around you. Blankets resting upon you don’t seem to be enough to shield you from the cold so, in one swift move, you rush out of bed towards the wooden dresser, checking the drawers for yet another way of covering your body.

Suddenly, a loud but gentle sob enters your ears. Carefully, you place your head against the wall, trying your hardest to identify the origin of the sound and, once again, someone’s trembled breath travels through the thin wall.

A single tear escapes your eye once you realize the person crying on the other side is no one other than Annie herself. You know it’s her, not only because Hitch is incapable of such emotion, but also this isn’t the first time her sobs have echoed around your room.

Every night since you joined the military police has been the same. You can perfectly hear the blue-eyed, blonde girl, who always looks tough around everyone else and never allows people to get too close to her, as she cries herself to sleep in the dead of the night.

A long, deep sigh leaves your throat as your fingers slightly brush against the soft fabric of a new blanket, grabbing it and making your way back to your bed. You can no longer hear the sobs coming from the other room, but your heart still aches thinking about her.

Annie Leonhardt is the one person who never leaves your mind and yet you haven’t spoken to her in a few days, not since you’ve settled into your new room. You wouldn’t know what to say to her if you had to look in her deep blue eyes, knowing how unhappy she is.

Submerged in your thoughts, the cold wind quietly lulls you back to sleep.

The sound of a knock on the door forces you to wake up from your deep slumber, the sun trying to make its way past your closed blinds, with little success. A grunt leaves your lips as you try to shut out the sound invading your room using one of your pillows.

“Y/N, are you ready yet?.” A voice now takes over the knocks and you sit up quickly, eyes open wide as you realize who stands on the other side of the door. Trying to get out of bed, your feet get tangled in the mountain of sheets that rested atop of your body.

You fall to the floor with a loud bang and a pained grunt follows closely behind. Before you have time to pull yourself together, the doorknob turns and in an instant, Annie stands in front of you.

“Are you… ok?” She asks, a hand resting on her hips as she tilts her head trying to get a better look at you. A burning sensation travelling through your face as it turns dark red. Before she can offer any help, you quickly sit up.

“Yeah, I’m fine!” You reply, removing the bedding from your legs. For a second, you forget you are only wearing a long t-shirt and your underwear but that fact does not go unnoticed by Annie. Her eyes widen for a second before returning to their normal size yet the blush on her face grows darker and deeper.

“You are not ready at all. Got it.” She says, scratching the back of her neck. You look at her, confused by the way she’s reacting until you feel the cold breeze hitting your bare legs. You look at her and then down at your body, it takes you a few seconds, but quickly, you cover yourself. “I’ll wait outside so we can go get our schedules.”

That is the last thing she says before walking out of the room in just a couple of steps. Shoving your head against the fabric of the covers, you let out a scream, a mixture of embarrassment and panic for allowing Annie to see you in such a state.

Once you manage to compose yourself, it takes you less than five minutes to get ready. Your hand rests on the doorknob for at least 10 seconds while you build up the courage to go out and face her, your cheeks still burning from the fresh memory in your mind.

You open the door and there she was, waiting for you like she said she would. She’s standing on one leg while her other foot rests against the gray stones of the wall. A shimmer in her eyes and the fading blush on her face as her eyes land on you.

Now that you have the time, and clothes on, you notice the dark bags under her eyes. Each morning they look darker than they did the day before and you can almost hear your heart break, but no negative emotion appears on your face. Instead, you flash her your best smile and open your arms, trying to hug her.

She rolls her eyes but still allows your body to crash against her, hands wrapping around your neck. Your heart beats so intensely, you can feel it in your throat. If she was paying attention, Annie could probably feel it too.

It only lasts a few seconds but the feeling of having her in your arms is one you can never get enough of. You don’t hug often, but every time you do, time around you stops and all you can focus on is the smell of her skin and the chilly feeling of her fingers touching you.

As you let her go, the warmth of her body is still present in your arms and hands. For a second, you could almost see a smile forming on her lips, but as quickly as it came, it goes away.

“Ready to go?” She asks, adjusting her hoodie. You simply nod before you start walking towards the Commander’s office.

.

“Ughhhhh.” A prolonged sigh leaves your throat, your body slams against Annie’s bed, face buried in her pillow. You try your best to hide the blush spreading across your cheeks but the smell of her shampoo is engraved on the covering like her name in your heart.

“Library duty again?” She asks, the brush going through her blonde hair with ease, destroying any tangles in the process. Another grunt fills the room and that is all she needs to hear. She smirks gently and shakes her head.

“This is the fourth time in the past 5 days.” You lift your head to look at her, “Annie, by the end of the week I’m going to be an old, dusty book.”

She snorts, rapidly placing her hand above her mouth and nose, trying to muffle the noise that exits her body, with little to no success. You give her a death stare, lips pressed tightly together as you throw the pillow at her. Unfortunately for you, she catches it mid-air.

“Oh no..” You say before curling yourself into a ball, preparing for the impact. In an instant, the softness of the pillow hits you, bumping against your hips before landing on the floor.

As a reflex, you grab the cushion next to your hand and aim at her head but before you even have a chance to release it, Annie has already thrown another pillow at you. A smile hanging from her lips, you look around making sure that was the last of her ammunition.

You only have enough time to attack her once and still somehow miss. Before you can reach for another pillow, her body rests atop of yours, the sudden weight pressuring all the air out of your lungs like a deflating balloon.

“Shut the fuck up, I’m not that heavy.” She says while pinning your hands to the bed. Her face comes closer to yours and her breath hits your skin. A bright red taking over your cheeks as you try to form sentences but your brain fails you.

Your chest rises and falls quickly, breathing becomes harder at each second she spends on top of you. Her warm hands around your wrists and the feeling of her ass pressed against your thighs is nearly enough to drive you insane.

Lips getting closer until they are less than an inch away, you are bombarded by the memories of her sobs echoing through your room every night and quickly you turn your face away from hers, “You surprised me, that’s all.”

For a second, you could see her lower lip quiver as she pulls away, a sad aura emanating from her. You want nothing more than to pull her closer to you once again and seal your lips together but you don’t dare to do anything of the sort.

“Y/N, I weigh 109 pounds.” Annie says, releasing your hands and bringing her body backwards, shifting her body so all the pressure rests on your legs.

“Annie, that’s 109 pounds that I wasn’t expecting” You reply. She simply shakes her head before getting up, a red mark on your skin on the spot she had been sitting.

Suddenly, you feel the wetness of tears streaming down your face. Staring at the ceiling, you raise your hand trying to reach for the light, a desperate attempt to comfort yourself and forget about all the times you’ve heard Annie cry herself to sleep.

“What’s wrong?” Her voice is gentle and low, a tone you’ve only heard once before when she was talking to an injured kitten. You shut your eyes tightly, trying to shut her away but it isn’t enough.

She repositions herself and lifts your body with barely any effort, forcing you to sit with your back against the wall. You don’t say anything and neither does she but you can feel her arm wrapping around your shoulders, gently pulling your head to rest on her shoulder. You don’t fight it.

Annie’s hand glides over your hair gently and you focus on her breathing. The low sound of the oxygen exiting through her nose helps you calm down, but the river of tears still forces its way past your eyes.

The warmth of her body transfers to yours as you wrap your arms around her waist, pulling her closer. A quiet giggle leaves her lips and she tightens her grip on your shoulder. The smell of her skin is engraved in the hoodie she always wears and you inhale it as if your life depends on it.

You stay like this for a while, feeling her touch against your hair and her chin resting on your head. The sun has already set outside but the stars shine brightly alongside the moon. Somehow finding enough courage, you whisper her name, pain and sadness taking over your voice but the desire to know the truth is stronger than anything.

She shifts her head away gently, the pressure of her chin is gone and her blue eyes now stare at you, filled with tears of their own. A silent gasp dies in her throat once the water starts going down her face, pooling on her chin.

"Annie." You say her name once again, this time barely louder than before. Her red nose contrasting with the beam of light that hits her hair, slightly shining on her face. "Am I the reason you cry at night?"

Another tear escapes her left eye and, as quickly as it came out, you take your hand to touch her face, four fingers warmly resting upon her cheek while your thumb brushes away her sadness.

"How do you know?..." She whispers, leaning into your touch for a second before quickly pulling away, reacting as if your hand is burning her soft, pale skin.

“I can hear you through the wall.” You reply. “And please don’t lie to me.”

“Yes.” It’s all she says.

In this silent room, you could hear the shattering of your own heart. The word just fell from her lips with such ease, you barely realized the slight quivering of her bottom lip. 

Hands now rest over your own lap, curling into fists as you look down at your feet, trying to stop and fight back the waterfall of tears threatening to escape. You can’t help but allow your lips to curl into a devastated smile. 

A grunt escaping your throat as you dig your nails onto the palms of your hands, blood stains being left behind on the white bedsheet. After a few seconds of useless effort, you feel the warm tears land on your thigh. 

You muster enough courage to look at her in the eye, feeling your voice break before it even leaves your throat. “Why?”

Tears of her own shine while they roll down her face, her mouth opens and closes several times while she tries to figure out what to say and it breaks you even more. 

You can feel she wants to tell you something but can’t find the proper words, so before she even has the chance to try, you beg once again for her not to lie to you and, after taking a long, deep breath, you gather what’s left of your energy, “I can’t take any more lying.”

A desperate gasp leaves her lips, her lungs trying their hardest to clutch to any amount of oxygen they can find. Mouth opening and closing but no sound other than pained grunts makes its way past your lips.

“I can’t tell you.” A murmur, that’s all you can hear. A mixture of sadness and anger fills your body, rushing through your veins at every beat of your racing heart. You take deep, short breaths, trying to pull yourself together.

“Why not?” You ask her, begging her for any kind of answer that would take your pain away but, deep down, you know she won’t be able to provide you that.

“I’m sorry.”

Her hand touches yours and your first instinct is to pull away but, by some miracle, you are able to resist the urge and accept her warm touch. Tears drip onto your skin and you are finally able to look up at her.

In the cold room, you take your hand up to her face once again, a trail of blood staining her pale skin but she doesn’t seem to care. Your fingers brush against her cheeks once more, wiping away the tears that roll down. 

There is now a softness in your eyes that was not there before, even if your heart feels broken and, at every beat, a new shard digs deeper into your bloodstream, you find enough courage to do something you should have done months ago.

Here in the dark, you kiss her for the first and, unbeknownst to you, final time. Her lips brush against yours so gently you can barely feel them at first but, once you bring your body closer to hers, she allows the feeling to consume you. Her breath is warm and it smells like the mint gum she had in her mouth earlier in the day.

Your hands are shaking until you feel Annie’s warm fingertips wrap around your wrist for the second time today, but this time, her touch is filled with care. Her tongue dances with yours inside your mouth in a slow rhythm. Neither of you is in any rush to stop. 

This feeling is all you’ve been craving since the first time you laid eyes on her and kissing her is much like flying. Terrifying at first glance but once you start, it is as if the entire world is at your mercy and you can go anywhere, anytime.

Reluctantly, you pull away slowly, feeling as she tries to stop you from leaving her grasp, but it isn’t enough. Flashing her a sad smile, you leave the bed, warm, bare feet contrast with the cold wooden floor of her room.

Annie extends her hand, trying to reach out to you, silently begging you to stay with her for the night, but obliging to that request would only hurt both of you. As you walk towards the door, you turn around to face her one last time for the night.

“I love you.” Your voice is barely louder than a whisper but the impact of your words is such that it could have been interpreted as a scream. Annie doesn’t reply but her quiet sobs escalate to desperate gasping.

You leave the room as fast as you can, running to the comfort of your own bed making sure to lock the door behind you. Eyes closed shut, you try to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in but fail miserably. Yet again, you can hear someone crying, but this time is much closer than it has ever been.

It’s not until the tears soak your neck that you realize the one letting out those quiet whimpers is you. The look on Annie’s face as you walked out of the room is imprinted in your brain, clouding the good memories you have of her.

You’ve never seen her look so broken. You know better than anyone how fragile she can be, after all you’ve spent countless hours listening to her hopeless sobs coming from the other side of the walls. And today was no different. 

The sounds of your sobbing mixes with hers and the only reason you are able to go to sleep that night is the pure, unfiltered exhaustion that washes over your body until you can no longer fight the urge to succumb to it.

You don't see Annie the next day. Word going around is that she's been out on official matters and will probably not be seen for the next few hours. By the time she gets back to the dorm, you are fast asleep. 

The day after, you wait for her during roll call but she doesn't show up. You touch Hitch's shoulder gently and, with an annoyed expression on her face, she already knows what you are going to ask.

"She's feeling sick." is all she says before walking off towards Marlo, who stands against the wall, waiting for the superiors to show up. 

A bad feeling takes over your body and you can't explain why. You think about visiting Annie but decide it would be best to simply leave her be. 

On the third day you finally see her again. Blonde hair falling off the messy bun, the breeze hitting her face for a second, enough for a few strands to shift around. Ocean eyes meet yours as she starts to make her way down the stairs but, before you even have time to say anything, Hitch’s voice echoes past you.

“You’re finally up.” She says. Annie’s expression doesn’t change, if anything, she looks more unbothered than before. You bite your lower lip, an attempt to control yourself and stop your hands from shaking before she notices.

Staring at the blonde girl, all voices and sounds around you become muffled and you can’t hear anything other than the sound of your blood rushing through your veins and the repeated beats of your anxious heart.

You are so deep in your thoughts, trying to figure out what you want to say to her after the night in her room, that you don’t notice Marlo’s reaction to your superior giving out the instructions for the day. By the time you are brought back into reality, Annie is walking away with half of the group, while someone drags you by the jacket towards the other direction.

The day goes by, uneventful as usual. You spend most of your time in the library trying to organize the books, journaling important data and mostly just praying for something to happen that would set you free from this boredom. 

It wouldn’t take long for you to regret those prayers. Loud footsteps come from the center of the city, the sound of buildings collapsing fills the air around you in harmony with the newly organized books falling from their shelves.

By the time you are able to run outside and figure out what happened, every officer from the Military Police is making their way towards the origin of those horrendous sounds. You try to ask what happened and all they can say is that two titans were fighting and there were hundreds of casualties.

You shake your head, refusing to believe that it’s true. Before you have time to formulate more questions, a strong hand grasps your shoulder and a chill goes down your spine. You turn around to look at the figure standing behind you and it’s none other than the Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith.

“Are you Y/N?” He asks gently. You simply nod. “Come with me.”

You don’t question him, fear running through your veins as you walk closely behind him. Sudden realization dawns on you that Annie was supposed to be in that area of the city. Hands begin to shake as you grab the man’s jacket, forcing him to stop walking. You are scared of his answer but the need to ask is stronger than any other feelings you have at the moment. 

“Is Annie ok?”

He doesn’t reply but you can tell his body language has changed significantly. A knot forms in your stomach as you begin walking again, heart pounding in your chest as you fight back the tears that are forming in your eyes.

Commander Erwin guides you to the deepest depths of the underground area, directly towards a wooden door. He turns around to shoot you a look filled with a mixture of pity and compassion.

“Y/N, I can’t explain to you right now what this means.” He says, pulling a small folder out of his jacket, “But this should be enough information for now.”

Confusion takes over your features as he reaches for the doorknob. As soon as your eyes wander into the barely illuminated room, a gasp escapes your body and you fall to your knees, not believing the sight in front of you. 

.

It takes you a few hours to finally wrap your head around everything that is happening around you. Only you and Annie are alone in this cold room, but for the first time, she can’t respond to you or snort at your stupid comments.

But you finally have an answer as to why she wouldn’t allow herself to be loved: because she hates herself. You can’t understand why, but you can see it in her expression, in the single tear that is now frozen on her face, that all this time, her emotionless face wasn’t boredom at all, she was simply scared to have someone’s love, scared she would never be deserving of someone’s affection.

Sadness fills every ounce of your being and you wait for a sign that she knows you are here but you aren’t able to get a response. She simply stands there, eyes closed and the same messy uniform she had that very morning. Her hair now rests on her shoulders, a few strands frozen against her cheeks.

Your hands touch the gelid crystal, feeling the smooth texture of the rock against your fingertips. Forehead now resting upon Annie’s crystalized figure, you take a deep breath and allow a tear to go down your cheek.

“I will come back to visit you as many times as I can.” You whisper to her. “You won’t be alone anymore.”

Taking a step back, you start to make your way towards the exit but still look back at her for the last time that night. A lantern in hand, you mumble a little more audibly this time,

“I promise.”


End file.
